Men In Boxes

Marcus Nispel’s Conan The Barbarian opened in Philippine cinemas last week and I caught it on its second day.  The film stars Jason Momoa as the titular barbarian with Stephen Lang as the warlord Khalar Zym. As a youth, Conan becomes the sole survivor of a vicious attack by Khalar Zym’s forces on his Cimmerian village. Zym seeks to reassemble an ancient mask of evil power to resurrect his dead witch-wife and gain otherworldly powers with the help of his witch-daughter, Marique played by Rose Mcgowan. Conan joins forces with Tamara played by Rachel Nicols whom Zym seeks as the only possible bodily host for his dead wife’s soul. Jason Momoa makes for a great looking Conan, even better suited to the role than old Arnold Schwarzenegger. He does look like someone Frank Frazetta would paint. There’s just itsy-bitsy, teenie-tiny little problem. By Crom! This is NOT Conan the Barbarian. The story itself disregards any source material written by Robert E. Howard, or even the pastic...